


Who Am I?

by Rainbow_Transform



Series: YouTube Things [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Everyone deserves better, Hope Thomas sees this shit and cries, I'm crying, Logan deserves better, Patton deserves better, Please Don't Cry, Roman deserves better, Virgil deserves better, anxiety attack, jk, no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 08:18:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12361494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbow_Transform/pseuds/Rainbow_Transform
Summary: Logan is just that - Logic. But, he's not?





	Who Am I?

**Author's Note:**

> S U F F E R

Logan isn’t different from the other sides. He’s Logic, and he has just as much say as Virgil, Patton, and Roman.

 

Right?

 

He might not have as many feeling as the others, but does that mean he doesn’t feel? Of course not! He does!

 

~~Doesn’t he?~~

* * *

The first hint that Logan wasn’t… normal came from when Thomas was six. Virgil had just barely been born, he stayed in his own room half the time. Roman was everywhere, a hyperactive six-year-old, and Patton always followed his lead.

 

Logan… didn’t. He was Logic, he wasn’t meant to be there until later - when Thomas was eight at the very least. But Logan was always there; ever since Thomas was born.  ~~(And perhaps, that added to his downfall.)~~

 

Patton was first, the heart is always first. Logan was second, Roman third, and Virgil (though they didn’t know his true name then) was the “baby” of the little family they’d gathered.

 

Patton and Roman just ran around, playing, and begging Logan to join them.

 

“This doesn’t fit the function of logic. How can we have fun if we’re just sitting there?” Logan had said. Patton raised himself up, slightly, and frowned.

 

“It’s fun, Logan. C’mon, join us!”

 

Logan did.

 

~~(It wasn’t as fun as Patton and Roman were having.)~~

* * *

When Thomas was ten, Logan’s second hint came forward. The Sides were having a movie night (Virgil had “moved” out when Thomas was nine. They didn’t see much of him anymore.) Creativity, and the Heart, sitting side-by-side, watching a movie.

 

They cried. Logan didn’t.

 

“I just don’t understand. Why is it upsetting?”

 

“Logan, because-”

 

“Oh, don’t explain it. He’s emotionless.”

 

(He wasn’t.)

 

~~(Was he?)~~

* * *

He withdrew himself from the others. Kept himself separated, and threw himself straight into just being Logic. Not Logan, just Logic. He kept himself with hard, cold facts. He’d throw them around his room and keep writing because if he didn’t…

 

He’d lose himself.

* * *

Years later, Thomas began doing the Vines. He’d use Patton, Roman, and (sometimes) Logan in them. Thomas would dress Patton up as a teacher to make it “silly” and “fun” and other times, it’d be Logan.

 

Logan always forgot which one was which. Patton played him perfectly. Logan laughed with everyone else, but he felt his own heart (self?) being torn to shreds and everyone else laughed. Logan just shrugged it off, withdrew himself further away, and stayed out of the way.

 

Perhaps he’d become too afflicted with facts. They don’t seem to always work with everyone else.

* * *

When “Vine” shut down, Thomas began doing more and more on his YouTube channel. He’d even began the “Sanders Sides” videos and Logan had begun to love them. They were beautiful, someplace where he can stay and say his facts, and people liked him.  ~~(Even if nobody else did.)~~

 

He smiled more, helped just a bit, and thought about bonding more with Patton.

* * *

He moves toward the hallway, making room for Anxiety by the stairs. He isn’t upset by it; he’s thrilled. Anxiety needs more people to see he’s not bad, that he’s a good person.  ~~(Even if it took it away from Logan.)~~

 

But then everything changed. Logan didn’t mind that Anxiety got the attention - he loved it. Yet, Logan’s mind always supplied the worst possible situations.

 

 _They hate you now_. It’d laugh cruelly.  _Isn’t this just perfect? Poor, poor Logic. Just sitting there, without anyone else to help._

 

Logan always helped keep Thomas in check. But… maybe he should leave that to Virgil for right now.

* * *

They do different things; help Virgil feel welcome; make songs. Do rap battles, help Roman. But right here - right now - this is not the place for Logan to be. He is not feelings, that is Patton. He is not a good thinker, that is Roman. He is not smart, that is Virgil. He’s just… an emotionless robot.

 

And he’s here with Virgil. Virgil’s worried, and Logan’s heart immediately tugs to help him. Logan pushes it away, and the others pop up. Logan suggests Nostalgia and both of Patton and Virgil’s broken “Can they?” Made Logan’s voice go softer.

 

He explains they can. Give facts. And pushes Patton to let them into his room. Patton doesn’t push back; and Logan is worried. But he’s got sixteen other million things, including helping Thomas get over this breakup. (He doesn’t blame Patton. Patton isn’t to blame.)

* * *

 

They arrive in Patton’s room and everything is great. The air looks alive with Christmas lights, and Roman, Patton, and Thomas are so happy.

 

Virgil is not.

* * *

He tries to fix his mistake. Virgil’s on the edge of a panic attack and Logan tries to fix it. But no one’s listening, and Logan lashes out. He calls out Patton, and Patton pushes back.

 

“Can you stop?” He asks, voice raised slightly. “Please?” He adds on the end, voice cracking slightly.

 

And Logan?

 

Logan is struggling not to show he’s not trying to cry.

 

He’s so wrapped up in these stupid emotions - only amplified by Patton’s room - and leaves. Forgetting Virgil in the process.

* * *

He goes back to his room, and screams. Loudly. He sinks into his bed, and he feels tears pricking at his eyes. Logan rubs them, but they just… keep… coming. Logan is tired. He’s tired of screwing up; tired of fixing screwed up things.

 

He’s tired of being emotionless.

* * *

 

He goes back, once, to grab Virgil’s arm and disappear. The other sides don’t notice them leaving and Logan isn’t going to announce his presence. They leave, and Virgil is crying. Logan hugs him, and just says quietly “Let it out, Virgil. Just… let it out.”

 

It takes a while for Virgil to calm, and when he does he sniffles and asks “Where are we?”

 

“My room.”

 

“Will they… find us?”

 

“No. No, I’ve blocked them.”

 

“Logan?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I don’t think you’re bad.”

 

“Thank you, Virg.”

* * *

Logan and Virgil stay in Logan’s room just a bit longer before Virgil pulls away. “I’ve got to go.”

 

“You can stay.”

 

“I know. But I’m going to go back to my room. It’s more comfortable.” Virgil shrugs.

 

“Be careful,” Logan says. Virgil nods, and he leaves. Logan’s feet drift toward his own couch and slides down onto it. His eyes stare at nothing, and he feel numb.

 

( ~~He doesn’t want to get up.)~~

 

He stays that way for a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> See you all next time, my lovely readers
> 
> ^.^
> 
> (More like :'(
> 
> Come scream at me at my tumblr: RainbowTransform


End file.
